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Relational Skills or Ways of Being that Make Us a Safe Haven Partner and Person


In addition to a no right/wrong approach to your relationships, and being able to attune to your partner's emotions, the following skills also contribute to being a safe harbor person for others.


1. The ability to differentiate between what you notice (data) and the meaning you make (I imagine). I notice....and I imagine...

People who are able to respond instead of react are safer. 


2. Being the cycle spotter. The two headed monster is taking us over right now.


3. Initiate a relationship repair​ when you have had an upset with your partner. This is called a "Clearing"

A Clearing is for the purpose of seeing each other more clearly, it is not necessarily about resolution or solution. It is also not for the purpose of blaming. It is about clearing up anything that might be sitting between you and another person.


1. Be clear on your intention. Why you are approaching the other person?

2. Ask persmission. Is this a good time? Are they interested in clearing with you? Are you up for this?

I was triggered by

I reacted by

What I really felt was

I wish I had said (insert whatever was not expressed due to the reaction)

I wish I had done

3. Invite the other person to share and respond to what you have said. How are you with what I have said? What is happening for you after listening to me?


4. Show up with Me and be interested in We.

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