Understanding Primary versus Secondary Emotions.
Primary Emotions: sadness, fear, shame, and joy
Secondary Emotions: anger, frustration, anxiety, jealousy, guilt and everything else!
Primary emotions show up in our body in physical sensations. We want to be able to identify and respond from our primary emotion. Here is an exercise to help you increase your ability to attune to your primary emotions
Where do you feel fear?
Where do you feel sadness?
Where do you feel hurt?
Where do you feel joy?
Where do you feel shame?
Identifying the logic, secondary and primary emotions, and actions of withdrawing and pursuing
The main goal of this exercise is to develop an ability to separate out our primary emotion. We want to be able to relate from our primary emotion with our partner, to respond from it rather than react from our secondary emotion.
Begin to observe yourself in your life. See if you can track and name the following for yourself in various situations:
How did you guard your pain? Did you withdraw or pursue?
What was your logic for doing so?
We show our pain through our secondary emotions:
What feeling did you show, or express on the surface (secondary emotion)?
Shift from what is being said, to what is being felt:
What was your deeper feeling, your more vulnerable feeling underneath that you were protecting? Use intomesee to access your primary emotion - go in through body sensation.
Actions or dance moves:
What were your withdrawing or pursing behaviors or actions in this situation?